Tuesday, February 14, 2006

SoOo how's everyone's valentine night? Wait...this blog is about me...soOo that question should be for me instead...hmm...you want to know?

Well read on then my friend. I'm currently ignoring the pile of homework in my bag and here typing. Wait a minute...just for one second...its valentine day right? So if there should be any reason to ignore homework...wouldn't it be because you wanted to spend more time with your special someone? Instead I'm here shooting my mouth off. Just came out of my bathroom screaming as well...guess it wasn't enough...I'm not okay....I'm still not okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sighs...she totally blew me off...disappeared without a trace. Well at least I got juz a tiny winny little bit of affection from her this morning right? Should I be rejoicing? For goodness sake NO!

Everything has changed...whenever I told her the three special words, she would always say it back to me to let me know she feels the same way. And the emotional words of our charm, when I promised...she would usually promised back as well...maybe I'm over-reacting? Maybe she's just stressed out by sec 3 life? Or maybe its me who is totally freaking out cause of everything I need to do for sec4...

Whichever the case...I'm not okay...I'm not okay... I find myself slowly becoming darker...my personality as well... Is it because I've been hurt too much? Is it because of stress? That I'm becoming this person I do not reconigze... Or did the devil in me finally found its way out through sheer force of depression...

She didn't even wish me a happy valentine day...
It didn't matter to her anymore...
How I feel...is none of her concern...
I'm not okay...
I wish to smile...
Smile like a devil!

All I wanted from her...I did not get...all I detested about her...they come in two folds?

I'm crying, smiling madly?... Screaming definitely...Wishing for her? Maybe...but it would only be for an explaination...

Do you know me? I ask...maybe...maybe not...but if you don't know me...then why are you here?

Why do you claim to love me...when you don't even know when I'm feeling upset...

Oh...one who knows nothing...I'm vindicated because of you...

Set me free? If you can't even spare an effort to comfort me...then please...please leave...

Let me be anti social, let me be happy in my solitude. In my unhappy frowns...let me be me again...

I know no peace with you calling out the devil inside me~